Happy new year everyone. I have lots of bright new hopes and dreams for the coming year. I am starting my diet again, I tried to start today but I had a chocolate fit and just HAD to eat some cookie dough. It was not my choice you see, my body was physically demanding it, hehe. Life is on an even keel basically. There are the occasional emotional spikes but that's life for ya. I am sitting here at Steve's house writing this, and I am realizing that I need to go get new glasses more than ever. I have not worn my glasses in over 7 months. While traveling on an Amtrak home from my younger sister's wedding, I lost my reading glasses. To my estimation I lost them somewhere between Colorado and Nebraska. Another $200 down the shitter. I start my creative writing class on Jan. 12th so you should all expect a little more.......creativity in this here blog soon. Or no new posts at all due to being too busy with said creative writing class. I am confident I will do well this semester and I hope to get into Phi Theta Kappa after this one. Damn that mono, Damn it to hell. This is going to have to be short and sweet, I want to download some music or chat or something that doesn't require me to think right now. Ciao for now.

I know I fell off the blogging bandwagon again, for the millionth time. My paper journal has been collecting dust as well. I broke my index finger last Friday and it makes it difficult to type- how do you like that for an excuse ;) It's true though, I did in fact break my finger, between the second and third knuckle. I slammed MY OWN hand in Steve's truck door. I knew immediately it was broken but I was trying not to be a baby about it, so continued shopping at Wal-mart despite the throbbing pain. Christmas crap is very important you know. I spent Christmas eve at Steve's grandparents house and had a great time. Hollie and Bubba were there too, and it made me very happy that his family welcomed us so warmly. I was kind of afraid it would be awkward but it wasn't at all. Phyllis asked me yesterday "Kelie, where has your mind been lately?". He he, if she only knew where exactly my mind has been. Christmas Day was thankfully uneventful, Andrea, Corben, Tori, Alyson, and new baby Heber came to dinner. We had deep fried turkey and a bunch of other stupid stuff, It was basically a boring traditional dinner. I've been thinking a lot of my Mother lately. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last week and she was told it is very aggressive and must have a radical mastectomy and chemotherapy. Her surgery is on January 9th. I'm really worried about her, she is very weenie when it comes to pain and I know she will not tolerate this well. She seems hopeful though, and when I talk to her she even cracks jokes about it. It is her way of dealing with the fear of dying, but it may also be denial. If my mom dies, I can already pre-warn everyone that I am probably going to go off the deep end. My Mam is my best friend in this world and I don't want to live without her. I have often thought what it would be like to not have her around, but I always expected to be very old and gray when faced with these thoughts. I am scared of death myself, and I hope that when I am on my deathbed, that I will be old and wise and able to face it with dignity. All I've ever wanted, someone who cares about me enough to work with me and understand that I've got some serious issues that need to be ironed out. Most guys are selfish and expect me to fix it all myself instantly, which never happens and I get dumped on my ass. I am hoping that this time will be different. I like him a whole lot more than the last one which is promising. He was so great around my kids too which was a pleasant surprise. Most guys treat my children as if they have the plague. I am done rambling for tonight. I will try and keep up better with this and my poor neglected paper journal.

Tonight I played America's Army for a few hours. My pc kept locking up on me and it would take ages to reboot. I am very irritated with it right now. It is so hard for me not to throw this neat-o little lightweight monitor through the frickin' window. I am in a very pissy mood today because I am having a pseudo-period. Not that everyone wants to read about my menstrual cycle, but I have an IUD that has a hormone in it that prevents me from having a period. I still get every stupid symptom of having one, just no bleeding. So it's fun fun fun for everyone. I am also craving chocolate so bad right now. I went and got some chocolate dipped donuts and half baked Ben & Jerry's ice cream last night. The ice cream is gone, and the donuts are almost gone. I am going to start freaking if I run totally out of chocolate. The donuts aren't doing it for me anymore, I may need to make a run for some ghirardeli caramel filled choclate bars. Those are my absolute favorite. I am going to die without having any classes to go to for the next couple weeks. I liked my routine, but I do need the rest. Speaking of rest, goodnight.

OK, tonight was FANTABULOUS!!!!!! I had such a great time, and I was very pleased with how everything went. My only concern was my projection. All the men have these big booming bass voices, and my little soprano murmurs didn't have a chance. So, that is something to work on in the future. I have decided I REALLY want to try a DI or a prose piece for the next competition. I do realize that with just over a month to practice I should not hope for anything too much to come of it, but it will be great practice for me. Well, tonight marks the end of my second semester of my college career and I am honestly a bit sad to see it fade into my past. I enjoyed these last few months more than any other months in my 21 years. This is a huge turning point in my life. I clicked with everyone in my Speech 230 class so well that I almost feel as if they are family. Luckily for me, those same wonderful people are involved in forensics as well, so I will still have interaction with them. Oh boy, I need to get myself onto a regular sleep schedule soon. I am going to pass the fug out. Oh, I watched the most hilarious on-line cartoon ever!!!! Here is the link, it is well worth the effort. http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf

I always fall off the blogging wagon. I hate it because I don't like for there to be large gaps in my journals. I am feeling much better as far as my mono goes. Mentally I am wiped out because this is finals week and our reader's theatre show is Thursday and I am still petrified of getting up on that stage when real live bodies are in the audience. My friend Ethan has really been ticking me off lately, and if it doesn't end soon I swear I will snatch his head right off his shoulders. He never lives by his own advice. He is hanging around this *thing* of a girl who is so terribly bad for him, and he knows it, but he doesn't care. I think he is in denial, he wants so badly for someone to care about him, but he's looking for it in all the wrong places. Enough about Ethan, let's get back to ME :) I am excited about next semester because I am taking several interesting classes, like Intro to Theater and Creative Writing. I am also joining the speech team and I am signed up for Sam's speech 101 class. It should be a fun-filled semester. I think I am going to learn a ton about who I am by breaking out of this wretched little shell. I want to excel at something and I have a sneaking suspicion that I am really going to get off on forensics. I met a really really really neat person online last night. He has been chatting in my same chat room for a tad longer than I and I had never talked to him before in the course of those 2 years. We talked on the phone for almost 5 hours, and I was not bored for one second. I did almost pass out toward the end, however, being that it was 8 in the morning already. I so enjoy meeting new people and having deep conversations, it is comforting to know that not everyone in this world belongs to the fold of idiot sheep. He really understood a lot of things I have gone through, especially my bout with anxiety and paranoia in my late teen years and it was really nice to be able to unload those awful memories on someone who knows first hand what living that nightmare is like. I am going to practice my poetry piece I so desperately need to memorize by Thursday. I hope to have the energy to write again tomorrow and not next month.

I had fully intended to go to class today, just as I had fully intended to go to church yesterday. Things are not really going the way I want them to, and I blame mono for all of it. It could also be the fact that I don't ever get the amount of sleep that my body needs to heal itself and have energy. I didn't do much of anything today but sleep. I started playing a game called "America's Army". VERY VERY cool, I am so in love. My friend Steve brought over a CD he made of it and set it all up for me, which was awesome because I have no idea what's going on half the time. I like to pretend to myself that I know lots of computer stuff, but when in reality I know how to do 2 things, surf and chat. That is all I cared to know until now, when I realized there is a plethora of games and other entertaining activities out there. More things to get sucked into. I must go, my inner demons are beckoning.......