I know I fell off the blogging bandwagon again, for the millionth time. My paper journal has been collecting dust as well. I broke my index finger last Friday and it makes it difficult to type- how do you like that for an excuse ;) It's true though, I did in fact break my finger, between the second and third knuckle. I slammed MY OWN hand in Steve's truck door. I knew immediately it was broken but I was trying not to be a baby about it, so continued shopping at Wal-mart despite the throbbing pain. Christmas crap is very important you know. I spent Christmas eve at Steve's grandparents house and had a great time. Hollie and Bubba were there too, and it made me very happy that his family welcomed us so warmly. I was kind of afraid it would be awkward but it wasn't at all. Phyllis asked me yesterday "Kelie, where has your mind been lately?". He he, if she only knew where exactly my mind has been. Christmas Day was thankfully uneventful, Andrea, Corben, Tori, Alyson, and new baby Heber came to dinner. We had deep fried turkey and a bunch of other stupid stuff, It was basically a boring traditional dinner. I've been thinking a lot of my Mother lately. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last week and she was told it is very aggressive and must have a radical mastectomy and chemotherapy. Her surgery is on January 9th. I'm really worried about her, she is very weenie when it comes to pain and I know she will not tolerate this well. She seems hopeful though, and when I talk to her she even cracks jokes about it. It is her way of dealing with the fear of dying, but it may also be denial. If my mom dies, I can already pre-warn everyone that I am probably going to go off the deep end. My Mam is my best friend in this world and I don't want to live without her. I have often thought what it would be like to not have her around, but I always expected to be very old and gray when faced with these thoughts. I am scared of death myself, and I hope that when I am on my deathbed, that I will be old and wise and able to face it with dignity. All I've ever wanted, someone who cares about me enough to work with me and understand that I've got some serious issues that need to be ironed out. Most guys are selfish and expect me to fix it all myself instantly, which never happens and I get dumped on my ass. I am hoping that this time will be different. I like him a whole lot more than the last one which is promising. He was so great around my kids too which was a pleasant surprise. Most guys treat my children as if they have the plague. I am done rambling for tonight. I will try and keep up better with this and my poor neglected paper journal.