Musings From A Psycho Hosebeast Woman

Random thoughts, rants, and saucy romance stories.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Well my babies are in Illinois now, and I am really missing them a ton. The first couple days everytime I walked past their room I bawled. I am getting better, but it still feels really empty around here. Going to church today without them was really weird. Hollie's little friend Ella asked where she was. I don't really want to blog about sad stuff though.

Let me tell you about my Saturday, it was an experience for sure. My sister decides she really REALLY wants a tan, because we've been going swimming lately. We are both very pasty pale wanna-be goths so of course we blind people in our bathing suits. We both know that sunbathing during pregnancy isn't the best idea for a few reasons, and we also don't want skin cancer when we're old so my sister decides we're going to get Mystic Tans. For those of you who don't know..it's basically a fake-n-bake spray on tan that lasts a couple weeks. Neither of us had done it before, and we were excited. So we go to the local Tan Your Hide and tell the girl at the counter what we want. She suggests going with the lowest level of Mystic for our first time since we don't know how dark it will make us yet. We then sit in a room and watch an instructional video. Man, getting a Mystic Tan is a pain in the rear, there are all these steps and safety precautions you have to follow. You have to use this special cream on your hands and feet so they dont turn orange...you have to wear a special cap on your hair...booties on your feet even AFTER the cream..this weird nose plug thing....goggles and of course you are supposed to hold your breath while the machine is misting the crap on you. My sister went first. She came out looking like she had seen a ghost. She said it was horrible, and when the mist hits you it BLASTS the holy crap out of you and is freezing cold. She said it made her gasp and she breathed in a bunch of the stuff. When it was time to turn around, she didn't get a good breath before it started spraying again so about halfway through the mist she had to gasp for air again. So now she was paranoid she was going to kill her baby and stuff, but it was so funny I couldn't stop howling with laughter in the lobby. The way she described the experience was like a wild animal trapped in a booth and being sprayed with cold water while it freaked out LOL! It was soon my turn, and armed with the information my sister gave me..I totally thought I was prepared. WRONG. After I did all the steps with the booties and cap and cream etc, I entered the booth and closed the door. It was dark and creepy in there and I stared to get scared. There was a big green button to push when you're ready, and it is supposed to blink 5 times before the spray starts. Well stupid me forgot to count how many blinks it did so I just took a huge breath preparing to not be able to breathe for 14 seconds. About 9 seconds in I realized that being 9 months pregnant and trying to hold your breath is seriously IMPOSSIBLE and I had to let the breath out. I tried SOOO hard not to take another breath until the pause for me to turn around, but I couldn't make it. So *I* breathed in the mist too. I got a nice big breath before the next 14 second spray to my backside, but again, I just couldn't make it! So I got another breath of mist in. It tastes like crap too. I got out and toweled off and went in the lobby and told my sister we are NEVER doing this again lol. They said it would take 4 hours for the tan to fully develop so we went home. I was taking a nap, when my sister calls me to complain that it didnt do anything. I looked at myself and didn't see any results either. I asked Chunk if I looked any tanner and he said not at all. This was about 3 hours out. I went back to sleep. My sister calls again to tell me she hates it and wants her money back. She said it only tanned her feet. At this point, I got out of bed, and went in the bathroom and disrobed. To my shock and amazement I was tan all over. I put on a white tank top and went to where Chunk was and he said "whoa, you're tan". My sisters took a little longer to develop but she eventually got brown too and when I saw her this morning she looked great. We both like it a lot, but we still don't think we'd be brave enough to set foot in that booth ever again. I wish I had taken before and after photos. I have an after to share, but it doesn't do my new tan any justice. Anyways here it is..and if you're not scared of breathing in funky-tasting dye mist, I highly recommend the Mystic Tan!
Me with my Fakey Bakey

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