I awoke today to my daughter about an inch from my face whispering in her hoarse paralyzed vocal cord voice, "mommy, bubba is crying, get up". She's so bossy. But she was right, my son was screaming at the top of his lungs at 6 am. So I get up and stumble around till I get to his room, and before I can even open the door, I smell it. It being the baby poo smeared everywhere. I open the door, and my son is shrunk into one corner of the crib, desperately trying to escape the green mess he made, which he now realizes is gross. So I throw them both into the bathtub and that's that.

So I have no idea what I'm going to do with my kids today. Everytime I ask my sister to watch them, she rolls her eyes and sighs all loud and acts totally inconvenienced. She never says yes, and if I really want her to watch them I have to pretty much beg her and make all kinds of deals and stuff. It's stupid. I am getting sick of this quick, considering I watch her son whenever she asks me to. I have a couple of classes today, and she agreed to watch Bubba only, but when she found out my class didn't get out until 6 pm she had a cow. I don't know whats going to happen, most likely I will end up begging and promising her things I cannot afford to buy, like cigarettes or whatever. She's always been a good sister, but very selfish. She really doesn't give a flying rats fanny if I miss class today or not, because she's never been to college, and she has no idea what it's like. She thinks because I don't work that it's a cake-walk, and I'm not doing anything. She thinks that because I really wanted her to move out here, that's it's all on me, that because her husband is having a hard time finding work here, that it's all my fault and she doesn't owe me anything. I don't expect her to owe me anything, but I am letting them stay with me for free for pete's sake, and buying their food ETC, the least she could do is help out in a tough time and watch my kids for a couple hours this week so I can make it to class. I am going to bring Hollie to school with me today, since she went to the daycare on campus before...And see if they can take her temporarily this week. Another bill I can't afford to pay.

My speeding ticket is due this month, and I am going to see if there is a way I can get the time limit extended, because I simply can't pay it and I really would rather not have a warrant. I swear I am never going to speed again. I had no idea tickets were that much, and I am going to be watching my butt on the highway from now on. I was feeling pretty complacent today, but that all went down the crapper fast. I am a big ball of stress once again, and it's all I can do to keep from screaming. I know I am going to catch tons of flack, but I've been smoking again lately. A lot. Much more then I ever did before. I've been smoking probably 4 or more cigarettes a day (stealing them from my bratty sister). I need to stop, and soon before I get hooked. Right now I just do it because I like how they make me feel, and not because of an undying need to smoke. It's purely a selfish vice right now, and I think I should nip it in the bud before it goes any further.

My wonderful children just pulled the drapes down, and I'm too short to put them back up without a chair. hehe. Darn babies. I can't wait till Hollie figures out how to open the refrigerator, and I am shocked she hasn't ever done it yet. Her 3rd birthday is tomorrow. I have nothing planned due to the circumstances. I will probably just take her to the childrens museum and let her run wild for a few hours. I like that place more than she does I think. It's too bad we don't have a Chuck E Cheese anywhere near here. That would be soooooo fun. I am going to look it up, maybe there is one in Springfield or Champaign or something. See you kiddies later.