Sit down and let me tell you a little story. This happened yesterday.

First I need to give a little bit of background information. I was married before Chunk as some of you may know, to a guy I was highschool sweethearts with. He is the biological father of my 2 kids. We divorced when I was 20. He joined the Air Force when we first got married. After we were divorced, the kids were still able to stay on his free military health insurance. When we lived in Illinois, we could not take full advantage of this benefit because there were no military bases close by, so we used regular hospitals and paid co-pays and such. Now that we're in Colorado, we have 3 military establishments to choose from. As some of you may also know, Hollie has had a broken arm. She was in a cast, and yesterday I decided it was time to get it taken off, since the 4 weeks had passed. I called the military insurance company and figured out where to take her, and they said Fort Carson would be the best choice.

Now, to the meat of the story.

To gain entry to a military base/post, you must have this handy dandy stickers in your window, designating it as an authorized vehicle. Now, I do not have said handy dandy stickers, because I am no longer a military dependent. Back in the olden days, you could just show military ID, and go on through, so I figured the procedure was still the same. NO, it's not. I show my ID to teh gate guard, and he tells me I have to go get a pass. So I flip a U turn and go back to the proper lane, where they can issue me a post pass. Let me interject something here that really irks me. Gate guards used to be military police officers. Now they are outsourced security guards who aren't even military, they are like those airport screeners. First young security guard asks me for registration and proof of insurance. Well fork me, I am driving Chunk's car and I can't find any of those things. I start to freak, because Hollie really needed to get her cast off, and these pricks weren't going to let us on base. Second old man security guard tells me to calm down, and just pull off to the side of the road to have a better look for the paperwork.

This is where the story starts getting crazy.

I pull off to the side like Old Man tells me to. I begin searching the van for the things they need to issue a pass, but only come up with a title and an expired insurance card. A few minutes later Old Man comes over to my window, and says not to worry, "I will call the MP's down here so they can verify what they need to and get you a pass. I just need your drivers license and your sisters ID." I forgot to mention, I had my sister, her toddler son, and my toddler daughter in the car. So Old Man takes our ID cards and goes back to his little guard shack. We literally sit there for an hour and a half. The kids are getting restless, my face is getting sunburned, we're all hungry and thirsty and just wanting to go to the hospital and get her cast off and go home. FINALLY Old Man comes back, and says "I called the MP's twice already, they said they will get here as soon as possible". I say FORGET it, just give me me ID cards back and we'll go home and come back another day, we are so sick of sitting here, and the kids are getting restless. He says, "I'm sorry ma'am but I can't give you your ID's back, the MP's have to come check you out before you can leave. You are in violation of Colorado Law, and that's why we pulled you over." I lost it on Old Man. He LIED!!!! All along we were under the assumption he was helping us get a pass, when in reality the whole time he was waiting for MP's to come give me a ticket. They never "pulled us over", they asked me to pull off to the side and look for my paperwork. So EONS later, some punk 18 year old MP comes strolling up and asks me for my license and registration...DUH..the reason you are here is I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!!! These are Punk's exact words, "Well Ma'am, I have a soft spot for Illinois, I'm from there, but I don't have a soft spot for ignorance." I lose it on Punk, and tell him, I was military my ENTIRE life and I never had to go through such rigamarole to get on post. He asks me why I moved to Colorado, and I said, "BECAUSE ILLINOIS SUCKS". He said there went his soft spot for me being from Illinois. I am crying at this point, pregnant and hungry and moody, and wanting my poor kid to get her dang cast off. He said he couldn't let us leave without providing proof of insurance, and I tell him bluntly that's not going to happen, and to just give me the ticket and let me go home. He goes back to his little MP truck and sits there for a long time. He comes back and hands me my IDS back, a ticket for having no registration, and a FLIPPIN' PASS TO GET ON BASE. The whole thing was a nightmare.

Hollie did get her cast off, but we were dicked around at the hospital too, and ended up waiting hours on end, before the Ortho people realized our chart had somehow been misplaced, and they had already sent the Ortho Surgeon home for the day, and had to page her back in to see Hollie. We left the house at 10:30 in the morning, and we didn't get home until after 5. What a mess. I am so glad we survived.